Third Time's The Charm
by Aquilla Moore
Summary: Have you heard the expression, "things come in threes"? No? Well then, allow Yami to educate you in a most...humorous fashion. Seto fans beware; he takes a shameful beating.
1. Chapter 1

**Third Time's The Charm**

**Have you heard the expression, 'things come in threes'? No? Well then, allow Yami to educate you in a most...humorous fashion. Seto fans beware, because he takes a shameful beating. If you don't want to know what happens, we won't think any less of you. {Yami laughs in the background} Well, _I_ won't think any less of you...**

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**Author's Note: **I recommend you don't eat while you read this. We don't want you suddenly bursting into laughter and messing up your screen with whatever snack you have there. Also, all the characters have all their perceived negative qualities played up so we can focus on their flaws. It's just a different perspective.

**Disclaimer: **How many times must I say, Yu-Gi-Oh! is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi, and don't forget it!

**Rating: **T

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**Chapter One**

Seto Kaiba felt on top of the world.

He had just come from a meeting with a stubborn small game shop owner, who had refused to agree to his new orders for product positioning in all stores stocking Kaiba Duelling merchandise. Kaiba's orders were to put the merchandise in the front first shelves where they could be seen upon entering. After all, no one was going to buy what they couldn't see to be tempted by.

But this particular game shop owner had insisted on keeping things his own way, and hadn't returned the mandatory contract sent out by Kaiba Corp. For weeks there had been the same unresolved memo, 'downtown game shop 'Lucky Dice' is yet to return its signed agreement on the new product placement scheme', until it irritated Kaiba enough to go down there in person. If no one could make the owner come around, then he would do it himself. This was how you got business done.

And just now he had left the store, but not after looming over the frail shop owner and threatening to sue the man senseless, down to the dimes in his children's piggy banks. There was of course, the darker undertone hinted in his threat; the fact that he could reach all the way to the man's family was a nasty reminder of what kind of weight Kaiba carried in Domino City. Not to mention the fact that, standing there, he could have literally lifted this man out from behind his counter and sent him flying into the unsold Kaiba Duelling discs that lay stacked against the very back wall of the store.

Walking on the sunny pavement, he noticed his little brother looking up at him admiringly. That's right Mokuba, he thought. Your brother crushes spirit like it's no body's business. Mokuba was well aware that the busy crowds around them parted to make way for the unmissable CEO; the city was pretty much owned by his big brother, and therefore it was his playground. Mokuba skipped to catch up with his nii-san's fast walking pace.

They rounded a corner to reach their waiting limousine, but ahead of Kaiba who should he see but none other than Yugi Moto and Co.

"Bloody nerds," Kaiba muttered.

They were the only people not moving out of his way. How typical. Yugi had his scrawny back turned to him and the others were too busy hanging on the punk's every word to realise that their worst nightmare was coming their way. Well, Yugi would be shoved right out of the way if he didn't move it soon, because frankly, Kaiba would be damned if he was ever made to walk around _them._

As Kaiba neared them, he heard Yugi say, "...and then I'll use Kuriboh to create an unstoppable defen-"

A nasal-sounding troll in the form of Tristan Taylor interrupted his idol, "Kuriboh? Haha, that monster's stu-pid!"

"Tristan, suck _my _Kuribohs." Kaiba did a double take. Since when was the pipsqueak that gutsy? Not to mention that he seemed taller again. Kaiba suspected that Yugi must wish he was somewhere closer to his own height, but was forgetting to put in the heel wedges on his shorter days.

"Haha, you got him there, Yuge!" The Wheeler-mutt was laughing moronically. Jesus, did he know how pathetic he looked, even in front of his thug-buddy Taylor?

Tea broke into girlish throes of amusement, rolling her head back. This finally allowed her to notice the dark shadow towering over them all. Kaiba grinned darkly. That's right, ditz. Someone with real balls has arrived.

"Oh look guys, it's Kaiba."

Yugi made an effort to stifle their giggles. Kaiba was too busy enjoying the effect he assumed his appearance has caused over the group, to notice _Yami_ hiss, "Shh, shh, watch this!"

Kaiba decided to speak, as so to ease their frail nerves for the moment, "Well, if it isn't Yugi..."

Just then, Yami riffled with his deck belt, withdrawing a single card from a pouch separate to his main deck. He let it fall away carelessly from his hand like an old candy wrapper, and it came to rest at his feet. As it fluttered to the ground, Kaiba caught a glance of the card's picture; Slifer The Sky Dragon.

"...Ah," Kaiba was lost. What was just done? Was Yugi loosing brain cells along with height? This was insane. He had just dropped a GOD CARD to the filthy, petrol-blackened, cigarette-littered, gum-caked pavement. And now it was resting there, being flipped over by the forceful rushes of air created by passing traffic. People were bound to step on it soon. That was, unless it didn't fall into the gutter first...

Yami knew that the silent pause was due to his victim's speechlessness. His friends too, were confused. But not for long...Oh, if only Kaiba could see his dark smile at that moment. But Yami had his back turned, and his offending arm extended to his side, still in the position it had been when he dropped his bait. He was waiting.

"Whoops!" Yami timed in perfectly, sounding shocked.

But there were only three words on Kaiba's overloaded mind at that moment; EGYPTIAN-GOD-CARD!

He was dying to snatch up the card, but knew this was totally out of the question. He couldn't just...but, _he could_. He was Seto Kaiba. Taking from no one but the pavement. There was no harm in just...just clearing the street of litter...very valuable litter. Yes...it was not like Yugi still wanted this card...he would be doing everyone a giant favour by just...taking the goddamn god card already!

Kaiba broke the tension, lunging down wildly to swipe up the card. But immediately his action produced from Yami a terrible reaction. Bending over, Yami did something truly unexpected -and not to mention disgusting- he farted. Loudly. Directly into Kaiba's unshielded face.

But that was not all. We are talking about the king of Egypt here. So of course, it was a king-sized fart. Kaiba was thrown a few feet backwards to land on his behind, skidding back towards Mokuba. The surprise and disgust on his alarmed face was soon replaced by undeniable, cheek-reddening shame. Coughing, he covered his nose, his eyes thinned to angry slits.

"How...Yugi, you sick little bastard!"

Kaiba mustered all the threatening volume in his voice that he could, but it did nothing to end the incredibly loud laughter that Yugi's friends were making. They just couldn't hold themselves together. Kaiba looked over to his side - Mokuba was laughing too.

"Ahahaha! Ahaha!" Seto locked eyes with his brother, "Ha-ha-ha...haa..."

"Shut up, Mokuba."

"Yes, big brother," the boy reverted to his timid state.

Kaiba picked himself up and dusted himself off quickly, having to hold his breath to avoid inhaling the noxious fumes around him. He pushed past Yami, not daring to lower his eyes from their rigid forward stare. Humiliation had an incredibly hard sting for Kaiba, hard enough to make him walk right over the god card he wanted so desperately moments ago. He motioned for his brother to follow, and Mokuba stepped into line soundlessly.

It was only now that Yami went to bend over and retrieve Slifer The Sky Dragon to his belt. He stood to watch the defeated duellist reach his ride. Yami felt proud enough to strike his signature victory pose, and on seeing this, the gang once more erupted into laughter.

Kaiba's hand gripped the limousine door extra hard before he wrenched it open for Mokuba.

**To Be Continued...**

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**Note: **It is always Yami who is present, but when observed from Kaiba's point of view he only knows Yami as albeit the taller, Yugi.

**Rate and Review, that is always very appreciated! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two **

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The thin paper edges clicked alternatingly up and down against the hard table face. He breathed deep and evenly, releasing the last of his nerves. Kaiba stared down at his powerful deck, deep in a spell of concentration. Tonight was it.

It had been weeks since that 'incident' with Yugi. Far be it for something so trivial to keep him back.

_And _tonight was important. He would very soon be facing off with Yugi in the finalist duels for a place in his hosted Battle City Tournament.

_And_ he knew which place belonged to him...

_And _so nothing- NO-thing, and NO-one- would stand in the way of his success. There was no other way he would take it.

Looking around his private quarters on board the Kaiba Company blimp, he was put at a familiar sense of ease. Everything related to Kaiba Company was a part of his empire. It was his territory. Whenever he saw the logo, it was like having his battle flag waved up high, giving him the unfaltering confidence to overcome every single enemy who dared to face him. He would take them all on mercilessly and stand tall, alone on victory hill.

It was time.

Kaiba got to his feet, packing the cards of his deck most likely as a hit-man would load ammunition into his favourite gun. He grinned at the thought; Yugi would taste these proverbial paper bullets all too soon. Not that he was adverse to using his cards as actual throwing weapons from time to time.

Kaiba made towards the door. Taking it from its own special hanger, he slipped on his favourite white coat with a smooth roll of his shoulders, turning to face his over-sized room one more before he flicked the lights. He knew he would return here a victor.

He strode down the hall towards the steps of his duel arena, situated on the roof of the aircraft. Well, if nothing else could dampen his opponent's sickeningly eternal optimism, the cold winds that whipped across the freezing duel arena would. You see, Kaiba was a strategist at heart; every detail mattered when it came to winning. Down to the food served just before the game. Down to the so-called 'atmosphere' of the location the duel was held in. Down to even the weather.

And that was why he had kept the location of the final duels secret, right up until to the event. It was a spring night, so while he would be snug in his thick black clothes and trusty coat, no one else would be wearing anything remotely warm enough to sustain their gaming focus all these feet up in the unforgiving chill of the elements. The winds would mess with Yugi's spirit as well as his hair.

He had fed those chumps up well, sparing no expense to serve them the best dinners that their peasant mouths would most likely ever taste. Why? Because that made them feel comfortable. And then, when they were all stuffed good and proper, like the gullible, walking thanksgiving turkeys that they were, control room would throw in a little 'turbulence' to mix things up. He knew Yugi would be regretting that Caesar salad.

Kaiba approached the stairs. Speak of the devil. Yugi was just about to mount the stairs as he too, sighted his opponent.

"Hello, Kaiba." Yami spoke pleasantly to his rival, who chose to ignore his greeting in favour for looking up the staircase to watch the rest of the brat pack ascend. Kaiba took his time in glaring back down at Yami, wanting to make the lesser-stature duellist feel as insignificant as possible.

"Add all the height you like Yugi, you're not fooling anyone with those," he motioned down to Yami's heeled boots.

"Must you hit below the belt, Kaiba?" Yami replied without any hint of returned malice.

If I was to hit you anywhere, it would be right in your obnoxious little face, Kaiba thought. "Let's just get this over with. Get moving, Yugi."

Yami began to climb the stairs with Kaiba following close behind. Kaiba was indulging in the idea of Wheeler, who's voice he could hear yap just overhead, strutting around in a full-body turkey suit, cramming his face with stuffing like he had been only thirty minutes previous. It was a nice change from the dog suit he saw televised last season, direct from the popular new 'Black Clown' game shop in town. In his mind, imaginary cheerleaders called out sweet truths:

'Gu-lli-ble! Se-cond-rate! Ug-ly mutt! What does it spell? Joey Wheeler!' He reminded himself to thank that Duke Devlin guy later.

But crashing suddenly into Yugi was not something to be thankful for. Apparently, Yugi had been pausing to re-order his deck in the middle of the steps. Big starfish hair equals tiny starfish brain. Interesting, Kaiba mused.

"I said, move it! Now get going, some of us have a tournament to win."

Yugi was playing with two particular cards, seemingly unsure as to add them to his deck or not. The boy emitted a small stutter of confusion before his hands became shaky, letting drop both the cards.

Kaiba scoffed. He must have pre-game jitters. Everyone who relied on the barely beating 'heart of the cards' got them from time to time. But then he took a second look at the cards that had landed just below his feet. Two gems of red and gold flashed back into his eyes, making _his _heart beat faster. NO.

The pause in movement alerted Joey, who's mutt senses told him that something was going on with Yugi. He turned back to spy none other but Slifer The Sky Dragon and The Winged Dragon Of Ra, resting innocently on the steps below. And money-bags Kaiba had his eyes glued to them both. The guy looked like he had just been told that several smaller gaming companies had voluntarily shut themselves down and liquidated their wealth to donate it to Kaiba Corp., presenting it as a token of acknowledgement towards his 'superior' businessman-ship. Who was he kidding? 'Superior' ego.

Why was Yugi smiling like that?

The truth was starting to dawn on Joey, and he reached out to pull Tristan back by his shirt, so he too could watch the disaster unfold below them. Tea quickly slapped a hand to her mouth, in high danger of laughing before the bait was sunk.

Frozen behind Yami, Kaiba lived in a word of his own. A world where two dragons taunted him mercilessly to reach down and claim them for his own. Oh. They would go so well with his Blue Eyes White Dragons...

No! DO NOT fall for his trap! ...But then, Yugi wouldn't _dare_ pull the same stunt again, not on him, _Seto Kaiba_. Not on his aircraft, where the only exits were out the windows and two thousand feet down to earth...and besides...

TWO EGYPTIAN GOD CARDS!

Deep in impulsive trance, Kaiba leaned forward to take his prize, but Yami was ready for him.

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

In milliseconds the lured Kaiba was cruelly fumigated by another killer fart, fresh from Yami's buttocks. This time, Kaiba got blown right backwards from its magnitude, his body somersaulting over until he managed to grasp onto to the stair rail for dear life. The fart's sheer force had his whole body wavering feet above the ground as he clung to the rail, just like a piece of laundry pegged to the line on a windy day.

He had forgotten. Yugi also had beans for dinner.

As the initial air wave subsided Kaiba was dropped roughly on his side, bruising his ribs on the angular steps. He looked up, still gripping the railing, bewilderment and fury evident in his eyes. His expression would have made anyone think twice about laughing now, unfortunately the sounds effects of Yami's stink bomb echoing through the enclosed staircase were unforgiving.

"Ahahha! Sucker fell for it AGAIN! Nice one, Yuge!" Joey managed to high-five Yami between convulsions.

Tristan chimed in, "Whoa, those pack some punch!"

Yami stood grinning silently while Kaiba glared in humiliation from the base of the stairs. Why was it that he had to be ashamed, when it was Yugi who made the gaseous exchanges? But his friends didn't seem to care. Even mild-mannered Tea was having a go at him, while holding her nose,

"I can'd believe he bell bor it a second timeb, oh-by-god!"

At her nonsensical remark, the group broke into a fresh round of howls. Kaiba, left surrounded by the pungent fumes below, was made to hear the sound of his dignity slowly being laughed off the blimp. A bitter snarl was growing in the back of his throat. He couldn't take this.

Waiting out on the roof, Roland heard a dangerous roar erupting from the beyond stair entrance, "YYYUUUGGGIIIIII! EENNOOUUUGGGHHH!"

This definitely cut through the laughter. But none of Yami's friends could take him seriously anymore. Only a moment passed before the four re-commenced their fits of outright hysteria.

Roland was confused. People laughing at Seto Kaiba? And what was that god-awful smell? Well, no one needed to see him to understand how red Kaiba's cheeks were at that moment.

**To Be Continued...**

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**Note: **Can we imagine how well Kaiba fared in his duel after that humiliation? Did he even make it back up the stairs? Well, he is probably sitting alone in the dark of his private room right about now, still slightly red-cheeked...

Yes, I've watched the anime enough to know that Kaiba doesn't duel Yugi on the blimp. But let's just roll with it. And I think the blimp had a lift that lead to the duel arena, but be reasonable; Yami letting loose in a lift would have killed them all. You do want a third chapter now, don't you?

**Rate and Review, that is always very appreciated! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

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Yami marched confidently out of an underground walkway, into the bright lights of the stadium and the public's eager gaze.

Kaiba trudged bitterly behind, following at an obvious distance. Did he _even_ have to be here? His sharp blue eyes met with the glare of the vast stadium before him. He knew that from this moment on, all of Domino city had their eye on him. This was not the time to act up. He stepped in line, making his way up the short steps of a glossy white podium, and taking his designated place at the right side of Yugi.

_This was not how it was supposed to be. _

The third-placed duellist, some nobody, seemed overjoyed just to be there. She was ready to grab Yugi and start jumping up and down with him. And Kaiba doubted that happy-go-lucky freak would stop her, too.

The sudden overwhelming roar of the crowd gave him clue to the approach of the medals. Roland, the official ceremony host, soon came from behind them to climb into the tall grandstand to Kaiba's right. The medal bearer, who had followed him in, came to rest at the back of the podium, out of sight, waiting patiently for his part in the ceremony.

"As host, I would firstly like to welcome you all to the Kaiba Dome! We are here for the special occasion of awarding the finalist medals to the winners of the Duel Monster's Battle City Tournament!"

Tell me something I don't know, Roland. Better yet, tell me this isn't Yugi up here. Yea, tell us it's actually Yugi's intelligent clone, and that it's been cheating for him this whole time. Now, disqualify.

What he would give for that to be real.

"Now give a warm round of applause for our champions!" Roland continued his speech, clearly proud to be controlling the direction of the event. He continued on in an unquote-worthy manner for a good five minutes, until Kaiba's brewing spite could be held in no longer,

"God-damn Yugi-brat, the little know-it-all...this was mean to be _my_ tournament..." he muttered coarsely under his breath. Luckily, nobody noticed.

Finally, Roland decided to kill the preaching and get on with the actual ceremony. He left the grandstand to ascend the podium and stand before the three finalists, causing the crowds to cheer loudly. The medal bearer came forth with a showy metal case, holding it upright across his forearms towards Roland, who flicked the locks. The lid eased open to reveal three brightly reflective medals within. Roland went over to the third-place girl and placed the bronze medal around her excited neck.

Almost apologetically, he now approached Kaiba and paused in front of him, waiting nervously for his boss to lower his head and receive the shameful sting of the second-rate silver medal. This was like branding a vicious mustang; it would be quiet until you got too close, and then...whack! An impulsive hind-leg kick to the spinal chord! Roland imagined all the things Kaiba might _really_ do to him after this, and his imagination travelled far beyond getting the sack. But he was grateful when Kaiba just bent roughly forward, allowing him to shakily place the offensive contribution around his neck.

Kaiba watched, seething, as Roland made his way over to the smiling Yugi. Even Roland, who was so much taller than Yugi, had trouble in angling the medal's ribbon around the spikes of the duellist's outlandish hairstyle. But as the gold medal was finally let to drop around Yugi's scrawny neck, the envious Kaiba's silver medal seemed to glitter wildly.

He tried to ease the jealously raging within, by staring around the stadium in attempts to become distracted. But it was no good.

Kaiba Corp. Stadium. His Colosseum. And there was Brutus, the back-stabbing midget, stealing his glory right from under him. In front of thousands of his duellist subjects. Oh, and he almost forgot- the Duel monsters world community were watching via satellite. He leered back to Yugi, watching the many-horned demon begin to give his unprompted, highly unnecessary acceptance speech. _Goddamn show off._

The sooner this was over, the better his revenge was going to be, Kaiba planned. Oh, he would make the brat _pay_ this time. First stop- Yugi's house. Kaiba would mess him up so bad, that he'd crap into his colostomy bag the next time Duel Monsters were even mentioned. The colostomy bag attached to Yugi's wheelchair. The wheelchair that Kaiba would roll down a steep hill the first chance he got, then hop into his limousine and order his driver to follow so he could watch Yugi scream in absolute terror just before he smashed into the traffic of the busy junction below.

Kaiba was past duelling with card games. He was going to turn to plain _duelling_. What was he thinking before? It wasn't like he couldn't afford any weapon he wanted. He could hack Yugi into pieces with an authentic, imported medieval war axe if he wanted...or one of those really cool, deathly-sharp katanas...or even high-tech laser beams. Hehe, yea. Why, he could chop Yugi up so bad, that he'd be right for sushi! And then he'd would open up a brand new sushi restaurant...and invite Yugi's cheer squad over to celebrate the opening...by eating the first dish served...and they'd be like, "Where's Yugi?", and he'd be like, "I don't know, but why don't you try some of this?" And Wheeler would be like, "Oooh, edible substances!" and he'd be cramming it down faster than you could say 'cannibal', and then Kaiba would say, "Yea! And guess what edible substance you're eating right now, YOU STUPID-"

His murderous daydream rant was disrupted by the sound of Yami clearing his throat into the microphone. Kaiba came back down to Earth, realising that Yugi was looking his way, as if waiting for permission to continue with his full attention. Kaiba straightened up in deliberately measured-out time.

Satisfied, Yami continued, "…I'd also like to thank three very important players in my journey to being the number one duellist, and those are my almighty God Cards!"

Suddenly withdrawing his three deadly weapons, Yami raised them up high for his captivated audience to behold. A symphony of camera lights went off.

Ah,_ there they were_. Seeing them was like taking a sharp blade to the chest. It made Kaiba sick to even think of God Cards now.

He watched from the sidelines as his rival bathed in the public attention, beaming like a savage new king to his approving tribal audience, while their wild cheers fed his blood lust for the spotlight. It was barbaric. They had been Kaiba's people. Where were his fans now?

From the centre of the podium, Yami could almost sense his beaten opponent swallowing a lump of pain down his throat. This was not the time to ease up on him, Yami thought. In fact, it was the only opportunity he had to burn his dominance into Kaiba's memory for good, while his mind was still raw and open to traumatisation. And today was such a _nice _occasion for it. He closed his eyes momentarily, soaking up the blissful screams of the crowd. Yami could only think of one thing to make this moment better...

In grim slow motion, the three treacherous lures slid from over the side of Yami's delicately tilted hand. They glimmered dangerously, playing with the light as they rotated gracefully on their way to the ground. At the point that they slapped into the podium floor, Kaiba felt a vicious cuff dash right across his un-provoking face. It was the power of the Gods.

_They _were angry with _him_.

NO.

_They_ demanded _his_ devotion.

_YES._

It rocked him to the core.

The sound of one hundred thousand people gasping ripped through the stadium like a delayed shock wave. The world around them awoke from their spell, into cries of frenzied shock and speculation. A thousand electrical devices clicked and whirred as they captured the moments of the King of Game's clumsy mistake - was he nervous? By now Moto must be very embarrassed, the people thought...

But in Yami's world there were only two. Not even the high-resolution cameras, for all their penetrative power, were able to detect the tiny fraction of a smile that now grew in the corner of his mouth. Beside him, Kaiba was fighting his demons.

"Get a grip, get a grip! Seto wake up," he scolded himself. What hit him hardest was the shame associated with this familiar scenario. It was white hot and he felt it uncontrollably, in front of everyone. And he couldn't stand that he _still _wanted the God Cards, even after all the humiliation they had caused him. Why could he not control himself around them?

"Oh...no!" Yami feigned utter mortification. He had his body froze to the spot, and his eyes were framed wide. Only his closest friends could appreciate the gentle sarcasm laden in his voice, or recognise the alligator's smile, barely there. Yami was a spectacular actor, "I seem to have dropped ALL THREE of my Egyptian God Cards..."

Yami's last words echoed through Kaiba's head as they reverberated through the stadium's speakers. The CEO well knew that this could be his untimely and all-too public demise. A tight smirk formed over his stiff features, and he regained a little of the Kaiba-like composure that he was naturally accustomed to. _Ohhh no, Yugi…you won't be hitting me again with that trap…not in front of all these people!_

As his sarcastic smile deepened, Kaiba lowered his head and crossed his arms - a sign he was quickly putting up his mental defences. This game had gone on for long enough. A dark, intimidating laugh issued from under his bent head, causing his body to rock gently from the force of it.

"How pathetic...Yugi, I _think_ you dropped something."

Yami only smiled timidly back to Kaiba, as if sharing his embarrassment with a friend. Nearby, photographers chuckled harmlessly.

"Haha," Kaiba's tone lowered to a deathly whisper to be sure he was only addressing Yugi, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me thrice...well, not in my own stadium, damn it."

God, did he really expect this to work? The further Yugi prolonged this, the more ridiculous he was making himself look. Kaiba noticed the growing whispers of the crowd. Yes. That's right. Watch him fumble. Their new idol wasn't much when it came to the brains department, was he? He just stood there like a stunned mullet, while his God Cards lay carelessly on the ground...Ha! Kaiba would never have done that, had they been his!

Yami remained as he was, perhaps ignorant to the state of things. Or was he just waiting for the temptation to grow on Kaiba?

Kaiba shook his head. No way in HELL. He wasn't that foolish.

"Come on Yugi, pick them up already..."

Well, in any case, those cards belonged not only to Yugi, but to the whole of Duel Monsters. Therefore, as a leading representative of the game, Kaiba had a duty to preserve them.

Even if he had once torn up a Blue Eyes White Dragon.

The God Cards were part of Duel Monsters history, so if no one else was going to get them, he should _at least _get someone to pick them up before they got damaged. Yugi might not always be their owner. Yes...there would be others who would want them someday, free of scratches and folds. Who knows? Maybe, one day, even _he_ might get them in his deck, like he had originally planned...

Yami observed Kaiba from the corner of his eye. Any moment now.

"Ridiculous," Kaiba breathed restlessly. The arrogance of Yugi was despicable. _THE _God Cards! On _THE_ floor! He couldn't stand the disrespect they were being shown. All that power. Spat on. He would never. They were _right there. _How could anyone just ignore them? Was everybody here as stupid as Yugi? Somebody had to get them off the ground. Now.

Yami watched Kaiba's emotional conviction unravel before his eyes.

He could feel his heart pump furiously and his jaw begin to lock, while unconsciously his hands trembled. This was intolerable! Thirty seconds ago, Duel Monsters legends had been abandoned. Thirty seconds ago, pure, untainted power had kissed the filthy, lowly ground. But this crime had been met with dispassionate indifference. Everybody was too busy smiling at Yugi, trying not to make him feel as vile, as guilty, as ashamed, as he should be feeling. Just as Kaiba had been made to feel...Now they had both been insulted beyond forgiveness! The holy Egyptian God Cards! The world obviously did not want them! BUT HE DID!

Kaiba lunged for the cards.

And now Yami struck. He bent over all the way this time, rapidly unleashing the pressure from thirty seconds-worth of gas build up; a tornado-force fart blasted violently into Kaiba's path, hurling him mercilessly across the podium until he landed ten feet away. He sprawled on his back like an upturned roach, sliding to a stop at the very edge of the stage.

The press were close enough to be air-blasted by the fart, while their live recording devices vividly transmitted the action, a million electronic signals per second. They really _did_ get that unique, front-row experience so highly sought after.

The fart ruffled Yami's coattails and had his face screwed up from the effort of producing it. The action was captured and replayed on numerous, giant wide screens that were positioned in convenient viewing locations throughout the stadium. In spectacular high-definition, they portrayed the moment of Kaiba's blatant rejection to touching Yugi's property. Through hundreds of streamlined, expensive speakers, the sound of the mammoth fart travelled quickly to the ears of every member of the audience, followed by the barely audible whimper of its surprised victim. Kaiba's love of flashy high-tech equipment had finally turned against him.

As the dust began to settle, Yami stood exhausted, watching curiously as the murmuring crowd decided what they would make of this bizarre occurrence. Meanwhile, the ever-ready photographers leaped on the opportunity snap pictures of what could either become a world-wide phenomenon, or an embarrassing sudden downfall from grace for the King of Games.

Still in his corner of fumes, Kaiba was coughing helplessly on his hands and knees. But as the cameras exploded into sporadic flashes of blinding light, he balled up and tried desperately to cover his face with the collar of his white trench coat, too ashamed to face the people.

The scene of his ultimate nightmare was almost beautiful; there he was, a white outline huddled on the glossy reflective ness of the podium floor, the constant lens' flashings drawing a fleeting, black silhouette behind him which danced from alternating angles of his cowering form, while from beyond podium, in the dark where his hidden tormentors lay, bright bulbs glinted out at him cruelly, not once letting their victim up for air.

Yami, however, remained standing tall.

Soon he cracked a charismatic grin, leading some people in the crowds to cry out, "Nice one, man!"

"You showed him not to touch your God Cards!"

"Yea, he was only protecting his title!"

"But how did he _do that_?"

"He's the King of Games! He can do anything!"

"People are simply being blown away by the sound of Yugi's fart! This fart is sure to make tonight's new headlines!" a stadium commentator blurted out, too confounded to stop himself.

Indeed, across town, replays of the now 'awesome' fart were being aired on all of the Kaiba Corp.'s big screens. That's what you got when you supposedly 'owned' the city. Undivided attention.

At that moment, fans across the world watching their television screens were either laughing their hearts out or singing Yami's praises, too pleased by his blow-away performance to feel disgusted. This went especially for the people who _weren't_ in smelling radius at the time of detonation.

Back in the stadium, the live crowd had turned from shock to awe, and applause had even broken out.

"Thank you, thank you!" Yami bowed proudly to both ends of the stadium that Kaiba now owned in name only, slowly working the people's cheers into a dull roar.

This outcome could only be for Yami.

The crowd began to chant, "Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Yugi!" People loaded on tacos and curry were even trying to do their best impressions of him...It was only natural to imitate your idol. It this case it was even starting to _smell _natural. Yami flashed a devilish grin, proving just how extremely satisfied he was with himself on this achievement.

The chanting sounds were terrible. But the prevailing smell was what became too much for Seto Kaiba. It was the final straw. He rose to his knees, no longer caring what he looked like, and thrashed back his head to cry out in unmeasured volume. The chanting overcame his screams, but it didn't stop him. He yelled until the blood under his skin began to boil. The veins on his arms and neck began to pop. His eyes grew red and bulging. Kaiba could no longer think, but only foamed at the mouth like a wild, possessed animal. Yowling, he tore at his fringe savagely with one hand, clawed aggressively up towards the night sky with the other, and finally lost the last of his sanity as he shrieked,

"YYYYYYYUUUUUUGGGGGGIIIIIIII!"

**To Be Continued...**

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**Note: **Talk about intense. And you think that's all? No! There's an epilogue, so stay posted. It's sure to provide some well-needed closure for the end of this dramatic chapter.

I highly doubt that Kaiba will have the collective mental frame to even climb into his limousine and go home after this. Oh, what will Mokuba say?

**Rate and Review, that is always very appreciated! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Epilogue**

Mokuba trounced down the long stairs of the Kaiba mansion in his pyjamas, the morning sun dancing in gold patterns over his rosy face as he descended into view of the bright, ceiling-high windows of the first floor. He hadn't been at the Tournament Presentation last night. His nii-san had actually expressed his indifference to Mokuba's presence for the Tournament he had "only come second in". That was incredibly unlike Seto. Perhaps he was taking this too hard.

But his brother's decision suited Mokuba fine; secretly he had started to like World of Warcraft, and a whole free night gave him the opportunity to log on without the danger of Seto being in the house. Not that his nii-san was ever violent or cruel to his little brother. No, Seto had his own style of discipline; Mokuba's computer would probably be calmly but firmly, wrenched from its sockets and thrown with careful precision out his bedroom window, if Seto ever found out he was playing anything other than Duel Monsters.

Mokuba made his way into the kitchen, following his nose with the delicious scent of what he knew was a waiting breakfast. Rounding a corner, the child padded cheerfully over the black and white tiles to greet the Kaiba household's personal chef. The man had his back to him, instead facing a marble counter and blending what looked like pineapple, mango and orange pieces into a fruit juice, just for Mokuba.

"Morning!"

"Oh, a very good morning to you, young Sir!" the chef seemed genuinely happy to see the boy. He turned to pour the juice into a tall glass, and stood it proudly on a solid wooden table in the centre of the kitchen. The chef now looked at Mokuba with a slightly resigned smile.

"Young Sir, if you don't mind, please can you go back upstairs? I was going to serve you breakfast in bed."

Aw thanks, but it's ok Henry," he smiled happily as he stepped up onto a nearby stool, propping his elbows on the table so he could share the same view as his taller friend, "I'm here now. So what's for breakfast anyway?"

"Well," Henry motioned to the fully-laden silver tray beside him, "We have eggs Benedict, cooked just so- the way I know you like them. And a nice, cool glass of tropical fruit juice to drink it down with. Also-"

"Did you use a packet mix for the Hollandaise sauce? 'Cause you should know, those can make it gluey..." A cheeky smile grew on Mokuba's face and so he subtly turned his head sideways, hoping to keep up the air of disappointment. He couldn't help it; it was fun keeping Henry on his toes.

"Mokuba!" The world-class chef played along with the game, putting on an insulted tone, "I'm surprised you even ask. Have you ever known me to use anything store-bought? _Ever_?"

The man frowned and leaned over him in mock anger. This would have been daunting, except that the sight of Henry with a whisk in one hand and the other bent moodily to his hips, combined with his puffy white toque collapsed on an angle above them, was bordering on the comical.

Mokuba cracked a wide grin, "Haha, good point."

Henry grinned back before continuing, "Also, we have and side of french toast with syrup and extra powdered sugar dusted on top, in case you don't feel like eating much of your eggs. How's that?"

"I think you can safely ignore any of big brother's threats to fire you. I won't ever let that happen!"

"Haha, this boy knows his food! Oh, and I can't forget this," with a flourish he produced a single yellow carnation for the small gold and porcelain vase of the tray," There. Now off you go."

"Can't I just have it here?"

"Ohhh, I _see _how this goes. You stay here, so you can get first dibs on my macadamia and white chocolate chip cookies? What a cunning child," he said, almost speaking to himself.

"I didn't know you were making anything extra today," the boy's eyes lit up, "But now that you are, I definitely _will_stick around," Mokuba promptly drew the tray to him and began to sample his eggs. They tasted wonderful, melt-in-mouth and perfectly poached, but Mokuba didn't let on, "It's ok. Now make me cookies."

"Such a Kaiba," Henry ruffled Mokuba's morning hair jokingly, then got back to his work.

"Pl-eease," he added eagerly. So cute.

Footsteps echoed from the hall. After a few minutes they found their way to the kitchen and announced their owner as Roland. He was clutching this morning's newspaper nervously in his hands, eyeing the familiar Henry to get his attention from over the young Kaiba's back. The chef left his station to greet his master's right-hand man.

"Hello Henry. Something's..._happened_," Roland kept his tone low as he eyed the back of Mokuba, who was still enjoying his eggs. Henry dusted off his hands and took the offered paper.

"Is it serious?" His face dropped as he read the headline, "Oh...I...see..."

The men began a conversation of whispers between them. Mokuba finally turned to see what the fuss was about, but Henry tucked the paper quickly into the front pocket of his apron.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, Young Sir. Enjoy your breakfast," he motioned for Roland to leave, and made his way back to the bench. He would cram the newspaper into the oven and burn it if he had to. _Mokuba could not see this. _

But Mokuba only clattered down his knife and fork purposely loud enough for the chef to notice, "Hen-ry, I _saw_ that. What are you hiding?" The man waited until he was prompted, "Give me the paper, please."

"Yes, Young Sir..."

Regretfully, Henry placed the literal bad news on the table. He was almost ready to take it back, when Mokuba swiped it up and read the front page. The boy had to hold it closer just so he could comprehend what he was seeing.

"What the? Is that really Seto on the floor? And what is Yugi doing with him, bent like that..."

...Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. We all know it doesn't mean _that. _You're sick!

Mokuba turned away from the front full-page picture, which was shot just as Yami had bent over and propelled Kaiba across the podium, and turned to the first few pages to read on. There was much more.

Inside, a large picture depicted Yugi bowing proudly to the stadium. It read, 'YUGI MOTO GETS FRESH, WINS CROWDS' HEARTS'. Mokuba thought the duelist's eyes were almost glittering with joy... God, now he saw how much winning that tournament would have meant to his nii-san.

"What did they mean by 'gets fresh'?" he looked innocently up to Henry.

"I, ah, think he must have told some jokes to the crowd," the chef baffled. Was it still too late to throw that thing into the oven?

But then Mokuba saw the worst of it.

'KAIBA_ LOOSES_ SANITY, _GAINS_NEW NAMESAKE'. There, in its eight-by-eleven-inch glory, was half a page of Seto kneeling on the ground, his wide, open mouth foaming at the sides, his eyes bulging with a rarely-seen rage that Mokuba had witnessed only once or twice before, when things had gone horribly, horribly wrong. And at those times someone got fired, or badly bruised. But it seemed that this pain was self-inflicted. Seto wasn't making anyone suffer hell, he was simply immortalised in an eternal, soundless scream. Mokuba had trouble conciously admitting it to himself, but the black and white pose had rendered his brother pathetic. One hand was tearing dramatically at his hair, while the other was raised to the heavens, as if to ask, 'why?'.

"Why? What made him so upset?" Mokuba pressed on with the story, worried that some horrible fate had befallen Seto.

There were many, many demeaning pictures of his big brother here. Ones of him blushing, his darkened cheeks obvious even in the colourless print; ones of him curled on the floor in a ball of uncharacteristic shame; ones of him starting to loose control of his facial expressions, evident by the rise of one twitched eyebrow and the asymetrical snarl of his mouth; close ups of his face looking like he had just drank a cup of nasty, sour lemonade that was more 'lemon' than 'ade'...

It seemed that the press could not get enough of him.

These assisting pictures were so numerous that they had to be sorted into vertical panels- it was like a photo booth session gone wrong. Mokuba didn't manage to read the words to his brother's article. The images were too much already. Then he spied one in particular that sent his memory spinning. There was Yugi, standing some feet to the left, and slightly forward from, Seto. And there was nii-san, his eyes zoned in on a bunch of abandoned cards at Yugi's feet. Comprehesion dawned.

"Ohhhh. Ohhhh!"

Seeing the boy's obvious distress, Henry began to remove the offending item from sight, "Young Sir, let me take that from you. Reading it can't help."

"No! You're going to read it to me. I have to know just what happened. Though...I think I already do."

"How, Sir?"

"It's happened before...Just read."

Henry had gotten the overall gist of the event from Roland, but as he spent the next four minutes reading the article to his young master, the true extent of the disaster became clear. With each line he witnessed Mokuba's face grow more miserable for his brother's misfortune. Henry ended the recital with,

"...but of one thing we can be sure; the King of Games sure knows how to blow away the competition!"

Ignoring the pun, the pair sat dejectedly in silence. How could Mister Kaiba ever make a come-back from this? Henry thought. Mokuba found it hard to be fuming at Yugi, even though he had disgraced his nii-san. Why, why did big brother fall for it? He knew better than that. Mokuba didn't know what to think of his big brother any more. Now they had started saying he was insane. Mokuba felt heat rising in his throat. This was the reporter's fault for making such a big deal out of it! He wanted to know the exact words they used to attack Seto.

"Henry, what did they call Seto as a nickname?"

"Uh, if you really want to know..." he scanned the article for appropriate line, "They nicknamed him, 'Stinky Seto'..."

"Stinky Seto," Mokuba mouthed softly.

Again the silence grew. But something else was stirring. Mokuba lifted his head at the same time Henry did his. Their eyes met in a friend's stare, their shared history passing between them. They were both thinking it; in any other circumstance, this would be something to laugh about...

"Stinky Seto!" Mokuba accidentally erupted. He quickly slapped his hands to his grinning mouth in surprise.

"Stink-ee, Se-to!" But this encouraged Henry to start up.

"Ahahaha! Stinky Seto!"

"So stinky!-"

"That stinker!"

"-Stinky!"

"A-hahaha-haa!"

Each played on the other's uncontrollable laughter, neither one letting up on their friend. It was too good, they never got to laugh like this. After a full two minutes, their humour was sustained by Mokuba, who held up the article and pointed at his brother in the shot of him reaching up and foaming at the mouth, announcing that he had rabies and was trying to maul them. It too stupid to be true, Henry burst into another fit of laughter and started thumping the table, leaning over and gasping for breath. He accidentally knocked over Mokuba's juice and it split dramatically all down his front. As Henry bolted up, wide-eyed with juice dripping down his face, Mokuba shrieked at him hysterically and lost his balance. He rolled back off the stool and fell to the floor. The impact of the fall knocked the wind out of him.

Literally.

A long moment passed. Blushing furiously, Mokuba slowly looked up from the tiles to the sobered Henry. Henry stood wordlessly, rolling up his wet apron and lobbing it from a distance into the sink. He seized the trouble-making article by the corner and took it over to the oven. He discretely tossed it in and slammed the door shut. Looking directly at Mokuba, he turned the dial right up without breaking gaze, and the paper inside began to furl at the edges.

Mokuba blinked nervously, his fear and shame returning, "W-what will nii-san think?"

Henry spoke quietly, "Sir, I won't tell if you don't."

**The End**

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**Note: **Did you like the ending? Poor Mokie, that was just bad timing. For an epilogue this is long, true, but I wanted to give you a nice sample of daily life at the mansion.

Now, now, don't complain about how disgusting this all was. I know! But don't act like you didn't know _exactly_ what was going to happen those second and third times. You just couldn't help yourself but read on, could you? Shameless. ;)

Feel 'shameless' enough to go ahead and read my other stories! Don't worry, they are just as good, just _not _as gross. But please, don't ask me to stop the occasional Seto-bashing. It's just too much fun.

**Thanks for reading, please rate and review! **


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